Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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