I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
