I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
