If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
