So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
