I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
be right there i have to get my cape
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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