Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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