trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
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I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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