Say something about gay babies.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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