Nicole vs. Life
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
