Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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