so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had sex on a roof
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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