Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
