Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
