I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The air was thick with penises
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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