I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
