Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
