i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize