Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
