You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
