i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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