you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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