Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize