it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
