are you so shy because you have an std?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
