just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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