The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
