I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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