So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
