i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
