i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
