Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
