You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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