if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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