Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
