I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
