I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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