yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
