just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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