Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
