Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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