Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Mom said you looked used
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
