I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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