You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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