she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
