Screwed.edu
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
