He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
