everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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