Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
