I've blown a few things in my day
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
