His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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