Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
