U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
