I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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