i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I deserve this hangover.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
