no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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