its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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