i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
