Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
