I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
