you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
