The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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