when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
