I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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