First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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