Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
