so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
