im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
