I checked into jail on foursquare
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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