Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
