oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
