last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
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my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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