...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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