Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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