Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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