is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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