they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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