On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize