Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
