i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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