dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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